When You Find Yourself Behind The Hearse

As I was sitting in the living room on Monday watching the twins that I babysit sleep, I kept thinking to myself, “How does one prepare themselves for the impending death of a loved one? Can one even be fully prepared?” My question was answered only a few minutes later when my dad called me and told me that my Grandpa had breathed his last and had gone to his eternal rest. No, one cannot be fully prepared. One can only be prepared on a certain scale.

I had never experienced the passing of a loved one close to me. It doesn’t seem real, even though I’ve known for weeks that it was coming. There is comfort in knowing that he is with the Lord. However, knowing that he will not be here next time I come visit is a sad thought. I don’t remember him talking very much or having super long conversations, but his actions certainly spoke loudly to me. I took after him in being early to everything. He taught me how to fish by showing me how, even though he had to bait the hook and take the fish off because I refused to touch the worm or the fish. He taught me how to drive. It was on a lawnmower and around their yard, but that was the first driving experience I ever had. He taught me how to play horse shoes. He gave me my first taste of ice cream and brownies and it’s because of him that one of my favorite drinks is Dr. Pepper.

It was terrifying to me that I didn’t know what to expect from other people or myself even in this kind of situation. When you’ve never experienced this before it’s hard to know how you’ll react. It’s only the day after and the funeral is already a blur. I remember certain moments and certain faces, but definitely not the whole thing. I do remember people talking of his great heart for helping people in need, his unwavering faith, and his quiet resolve. I hope that I follow in those footsteps and have the same heart, faith, and resolve. He worked hard all his life and left a great legacy. I am so thankful for my family and for how we were all there for each other during this time. I look forward to the day when we can all meet in Heaven and never have to be separated again.

I still remember that being the best trip to the US...ever.

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