I’m twenty-three. I can’t be twenty-three! Those were the thoughts going through my mind for most of the day today. How can I be twenty-three when there is so much that I still wanted to do before I turned twenty-three?! I’m thankful for the past year. I’m beyond thankful for everything the Lord has done for me and blessed me with the past year. Everything that has happened the past year has been because He wanted it to. Nothing could have happened out of my own power of will. And yet, I had a moment of dissatisfaction. I thought I’d be married by now! I thought I’d have a kid! I thought I’d have a house with a big yard and dog to run in the yard! In the middle of my freak-out moment a thought hit me: I don’t have any of those things because God has something better planned for me. I’ve been so focused on what I want that I have sometimes forgotten to consider that maybe that’s not what God wants for me. So I took a breath and reminded myself that God is in control and everything will be ok. It will actually be better than ok.
There’s so much pressure from peers at school and society in general to get married young, have kids at a young age, and have the big house…you get my point. There’s so much pressure to live this cookie cutter life. I refuse to do that. I’m not going to live my life for anyone else’s benefit. I’m going to live my life for the Lord. I’m going to strive to do what He wants me to do, even if that goes against what I’ve wanted for as long as I can remember. I never thought I’d be done with my Freshman year of college, but God planned for it to be so. I never thought I’d be working as a nanny and loving it, but God planned for it to be so. I hope He gives me courage to get out of my comfort zone and do great things. Maybe He’ll send me to a different country as a missionary or maybe He’ll just give me the means to travel the world. I hope He gives me wisdom to find happiness in the little things. I hope He never lets me forget the importance of family. I hope He will remind me to find joy in Him when the going gets hard.
It’s time I laid down what I want and time I really started thinking about what God wants for my life. I don’t fully know yet what the future holds. I don’t know yet what doors He will open and what doors He will shut. Some things I already do know. I know He wants me to obey Him and be faithful to Him. And that’s what I’m going to strive to do every day of my life. I’m not perfect, I’m human. I know there will be days I will fail. On those days I will trust in His grace and mercy and go back to striving to live for Him. And one thing I know for certain, this girl is not living a cookie cutter life.
“Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us, to Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen.” — Ephesians 3:20-21